REVIEW: Divine Interventions, or, A Cautionary Tail

REVIEW: Divine Interventions, or, A Cautionary Tail

So, a few weeks ago I contacted Divine Interventions to request a review copy of one of their toy, either the Jackhammer Jesus or God’s Immaculate Rod to use in my upcoming “Unusual Sex Toys” series. The owner was kind enough to send me one of each of those toys. Here’s where things start to go downhill: the smell. Both Jesus and God has this really strange, unpleasant smell that wasn’t something I wanted to stick in my vag. I aired both of them out and then put them through the dishwasher to sanitize them. Jackhammer Jesus’ smell nearly went away but God still stunk. I promptly contacted the head of Divine Interventions and he sent me over a new God, assuring me that both he and his partner smelled the toy that I was about to stick in me and this one would be just fine. Well, it wasn’t (the smell and our interactions).

He requested that I send back the defective toy, assuming I was going to pay to ship his defective product back myself. When I discussed it over Twitter with some more experienced sex toy reviewers my feelings some were mutual with mine, that no customer should pay to send back their bad product so I wrote him back and asked him to give me the “call tag” and I’d send it right over. This is what his response was:

I’m a little surprised that you can’t do me the same favor I have done for you in posting the piece back to me.

Well, buddy, it’s not my problem that your toy smelled, so I let him know that as a manufacturer the toy is his responsibility. If it smells or is defective some other way, it is not appropriate to request the customer to pay (much less respond to me as he did).

I mean, come on, man, you don’t have an affiliate program. I was going to gain nothing out of this review except the potential bad experience, or good one. He suggested that I am the only one who has ever had this problem. Actually, I wasn’t, but I was the only reviewer not willing to put up with his bad attitude. His response was just as unpleasant as his last email:

I sent you over $100 worth of toys, threw in some lube as well, and mailed toys to you twice.  The idea you posit below that Divine is the only one who benefits from your reviews is disingenuous.  Without toys to review you would not have a toy review business (I assume based on the ads on your site that you make money off of the reviews, not to mention other benefits, financial or otherwise that come with having a toy review site).
Many toy reviewers have reviewed our toys over the years and I have never had an experience with a reviewer like this.
When I reminded him that another reviewer sent back his toy, and paid to give it back to him, she never got the replacement. He demanded her contact information. I told him it was “inappropriate” and “unprofessional” that he request that I give to him someone else’s private contact information.
I’m sorry you see the worst in people,
He said in response. And then followed it up with the name and location of the reviewer to prove to me that he could find them without my help. That’s right, folks, Divine Interventions gave away the name and contact information and country of another reviewer, who’s to say he wouldn’t do this to a customer? I’m not comfortable with that being done to me, it shouldn’t have been done to anyone.
As it is, you haven’t been professional at all with me. As a reviewer, my experience with you and your toy will be going in the review.
I meant to end the conversation there but then he responded,

Oh, [me].  Do what you want.

May this life be good to you.
I am shocked that how unprofessional he was and his lack of ethics. As consumers, we deserve better. I want you consumers to know that if you get a smelly toy, or if it’s defective in any way, it is not your problem. You should never have to pay to return someone else problem. I also want you to be aware of the service you are quite likely to get from this man if you decide to purchase from this company. If you do what I did and request that he pay have me ship it back to him then you will also face harassment, possibly even having your privacy violated in the heat of the moment.

As you can see up there in his last email, he gave me permission to quote him, so do not be alarmed that I have.

The Review: 

I’m going to give you a disclaimer: me disliking both of these toys has nothing to do with the treatment I received from the DI guy, I just really didn’t like these toys in me.

God’s Immaculate Rod stunk, so did Jesus. If you have that smell, do not stick that toy in your body. However, there have been plenty of other reviewers that have not had a problem with the smell. The first thing I do is smell the toy b/c I’ve had bad experiences with jelly toys and I couldn’t figure out why they smelled that way (now I do–jelly is bad, WICKED is good *she nerds out*).

Jackhammer Jesus’ feet hit my urethra going in (mine is located pretty much inside the opening of my vag (that’s actually normal!) so it bumping against my pee hole was really unpleasant. Honestly, I stopped there. It was uncomfortable and and I had no desire to continue stuffing him in me. The only perk about the Lord was that he was glow-in-the-dark (pretty fun to play with!).

As for God’s Rod, the weird bumps on the head literally felt like it was scraping my vaginal wall. It gave me the fucking weirdest sensation. Turning it the other way gave me the same feeling; plus, turned around meant that it wasn’t stimulating my g-spot.

I think they’re more appropriate for decoration, something to be put on the wall in front of doors, declaring this to be a sacred place of dildo worship. I did choose what I thought to be the weirdest of his bunch because I wanted to include them in my series, I now wish I had been more careful.

My recommendation? This company is not worth supporting. He doesn’t care about reviewers or customers, as he noted, he’s more concerned about money and is incredibly unprofessional. To top it off, this guy gave out that bloggers personal information to me–can you trust him not to do the same with yours?


23 thoughts on “REVIEW: Divine Interventions, or, A Cautionary Tail

  1. Wow! I’ve never dealt with this company; it seems like such a delightful place!

    Sorry you had such a hard time with them (That’s awful) And their behavior was completely unprofessional. I can not believe they gave you someone elses details!

    1. I’d def never tell you not to, but if you get a smelly toy or something of the sort you’re going to have to go through what I went through (and it wasn’t pleasant).

  2. It’s always so confusing when people engage with bloggers and reviewers in this manner. It’s our thing to talk about stuff, dudes.

  3. It’s a shame the company is so bad, otherwise this might be a fun novelty. Also a shame that their material smells, bad, and they don’t work well as dildos, and… on second thought, they really don’t have much going for them.

    1. I didn’t. I’m not sure it matters. What matters is that he was incredibly unprofessional and insulting toward me, a reviewer, which means he’ll be just as bad to a customer. And the flame test isn’t always right 🙁

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